• Long Scarf Publications present....

    We've raised over £4000 for charity!

  • LOVE DOCTOR WHO?

    CHECK OUT OUR HILARIOUS PARODY BOOKS!

    Welcome to the Professor Howe page celebrating our unofficial range of charity books raising money for BBC Children in Need.

    Our books are beautifully printed with love and care on quality paper - as we want you to have a great reading experience.

    We currently have fourteen books in our range, the most recent available just to preorder.

     

    All books are self contained adventures which will cause much mirth and laughter and cheer you up in these dark times.

    CLICK ON THE PROFESSOR HOWE LOGO OR THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON FOR OTHER WAYS TO SUPPORT US

  • What People Have Said...

    "Reading this really made me laugh. A lot. In fact, some parts made me do the 'lol' thing
    to the great astonishment of people sitting close to me." - C Grit

    "Read the whole thing in one go - I couldn't put it down. Hilariously funny,
    I'd definitely recommend this book and look forward to the next one." - A. Fleming

     

    "Funny and could not put it down.... Buy the book people!!!!!" - F McNamara

    "In all the books that I have read I have never come across anything quite so surreal or meta-fictional as this. It is a wonderful pastiche and parody... More please!" - M. Leney

  • What's Available?

    So far we have fourteen books in our range
    All can be ordered individually.

    Professor Howe and the Lethal Lighthouse

    by Rachel Redhead

    The light is on but nobody is home...

     

    On a rocky island not far from Brighton, the Lighthouse Mental Facility works right at the edge of psychiatry attempting to banish the mind fog which hampers even the most competent traveller.

    With strange murders occurring, PROFESSOR HOWE and her toasting fork wielding companion, Layla, have found themselves inmates of the institution with no hope of escape.

    Who is killing the staff and patients in the most barbaric way? With Matches Maggie go out in a blaze of glory? And is Jane really Professor Howe's first name?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO PREORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe Goes Mostly Missing

    by Kingsley Clennel White

    Emily Espen, Urban Explorer, dreams of social media followers in the thousands. However, her plans for fame are up in the air when an expedition to a graveyard gives her actual followers of her own.

     

    Her best friend and brother have fallen victim to the Peeing Paragons and been condemned to the past. Now, alone and terrified, she faces a similar fate. All she has for company is a bizarre best-selling book written by a mysterious stranger called PROFESSOR HOWE.

     

    What secrets does the strange, emoji-based, book hold? Can Emily rescue her friends from the Peeing Paragons? And what the hell has happened to Professor Howe?? And what the hell has happened to Professor Howe?

     

    With bonus WINK book included as an Appendix



    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Holy Hotel

    by Paul Driscoll

    You can check out any time you like... ...but you can never leave.

    A hotel in space is the ideal place for a honeymoon for newly weds, Oliver and Mo Lake. The constant adventuring had got in the way of, not just the holiday, but a good night's sleep and the washing up. Now PROFESSOR HOWE has decided to give her companions a treat.

    Unfortunately, things aren't entirely what they seem. A mixture of strange guests, hideous wallpaper and a monster prowling the twisted corridors are some of the dangers that must be faced.

    Can the Professor and her friends escape the labyrinthine lobbies? What exactly is in room 42? And has the author read "The Shining" far too many times?



    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Dad Dilemma

    by Lisa Hamlin Good

    Everybody loves a good wedding - and this adventure has it aisle.

    At Roath Lock Cathedral the guests, including Petunia's Pa who popped his clogs later that very day, are gathering for a celebration. Richard DaFodda and his intended are ready to be married and PROFESSOR HOWE and his trusty companion, Petunia, are ready to gatecrash it but things aren't going as planned.

    A temporal anomaly, a number 29 bus and a soiled nappy are some of the hazards that have to be negotiated, as well as a jobsworth Traffic Warden.

    Will the DaFodda wedding go without a hitch? Can time and destiny be put back on course? And will the Professor's saucer get a parking ticket?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Chaotic Courtroom

    by Don Klees

    Justice isn't blind - it's dead - well it certainly seems that way.
     
    After a lifetime of incompetence, dangerous flying and stealing biscuits, PROFESSOR HOWE must face the consequences of his actions.
     
    Charged by the Infinity Tsars with Causing Havoc Around Ordinary Situations (CHAOS), he must use every bit of hid idiosyncratic intelligence to defend himself from the procedures, practises and puns of the Prosecutor.
     
    Reliving past and unseen adventures, can the time traveller prove his innocence? Who or what are the slumberers? And why does the Prosecutor seem so familiar?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Crafty Count

    by Jamie Hailstone

    PROFESSOR HOWE and his unfaithful companion, Barbie Cappuccino, are back in their most "fang-tastic" adventure yet.
     
    A strange Count, an evil from the dawn of time and a local vicar obsessed with St Fenwick all come together with the travellers in the small village of Wenches Finger.
     
    Can the Professor and Barbie stop the count with so much a steak? Who is the mysterious figure known as Seiko why is he coffin'? And, crucifixly, can Peter Cushion and Christopher Leek hammer out their differences?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Furious Foam

    by Simon Bucher-Jones

    PROFESSOR HOWE, Gloriana and Taffy discover the twenty-first holiday experience isn't all crazy golf and not quite what it was made out to be.
     
    Britnovelites and their entertainment pipeline connecting them to the tourist hotspots along the south coast is manfunctioning. The centre of it all is the appalling animatronic hub of Dinoland.
     
    Will Arthur Bobson confiscate the Professor's muffled hammer? Will Taffy manage to fix his trousers? And why is the sea yellow?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the European Exit

    by Christopher Samuel Stone

    Poeland - a country in crisis.

    Newly elected President Horace, must balance cries of party loyalty, illicit affairs and the peoples' desire for European Decampment with fundamental beliefs of the Realists.

    Meanwhile PROFESSOR HOWE, accompanied by his trusty companion Doris, must ensure that trade negotiations succeed and he gets his beloved Brussels.

    Mr Grove, Jacob Cracker, Giles Farago, and other disparate individuals aid Horace in his fiendish scheme to relocate the country to the shores of the United States.

    Will the Decampers get what they want? Will Jacob Cracker take the biscuit? And can Beth Trussed-Up still buy cheese down the supermarket?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Shanghaied Scientists

    by Jamie Hailstone

    Something is amiss at Kettering Leisure Centre and we don't mean the instant coffee.

    Hosting a conference of esteemed and not so esteemed scientists, one by one they begin to disappear. Only one man could solve this problem and, unfortunately for everyone, that person wasn't PROFESSOR HOWE.

     

    Yet, with the aid of his perky assistant, Belle, can the Professor track down the kidnapped researchers and stop Barbie Cappuccino in her tracks? Will the infamous intergalactic space vixen succeed in her evil machinations to rid the world of eligible bachelors? And who will feel the bite of the Caramel Masterplan?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Terrible Tarrants

    by Christopher Samuel Stone

    Landing in a dead forest, PROFESSOR HOWE encounters her deadliest enemy of all - THE TERRIBLE TARRANTS!

    Becoming trapped in the creatures' city is only the first of her many problems, including radiation sickness and financial ruin.

    Can anything stop the Tarrants evil schemes? Will the travellers face 'Renovation'? And who is responsible for Alania's great hair?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

    Professor Howe and the Plastic Peril

    by Jamie Hailstone

    Colonel McDonald-McDougall-Jameson the head of ITEMS had a lot on his plate. A meteor shower of plastic bowls, dishes and various dinnerware, the appearance of a giant flying saucer, and the return of his old friend PROFESSOR HOWE.


    Needless to say, trouble always followed where the Professor set foot and this was no exception. With Miss Trustfund by his side, the peculiar goings on at the Winkles Plastic Factory had to be investigated.

     

    Why had the factory changed production to plastic cutlery? Was the Colonel's Health and Safety Protocol really necessary? And does anyone really like listening to Demis Roussos?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

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    Professor Howe and the Sinister Sneeze

    by Ann Worrall

    A video message leads PROFESSOR HOWE and Marian to the isolated outpost of Fternisma.

     

    The wonder material Phlegillium is the solution to mankind's resource problem. If only people didn't keep sneezing and dying all the time.

    What is happening on the Le Morvier station? What are the mysterious Bigwig's plans? And why didn't Marian bring his handkerchief?


    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

     

    Professor Howe and the Viciousal Vloggers

    by Ian K. Cimm

    After building an extension to his less than reliable flying saucer, PROFESSOR HOWE encounters an enemy from his past with a score to settle.

     

    Escaping to the world of Viciousal, the danger only increases. A series of sadistic challenges overseen by a mysterious game runner have to be overcome for him and his companion, Pam, to escape with their lives.

     

    Can he survive his out of control ego and horrendous dress sense? Can Pam raise enough money to buy out her contract for another twelve episodes? And is the moon really made of cheese?

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

     

    Professor Howe and the Toothless Tribe

    by Christopher Samuel Stone

    A strange job interview in London turns out to be life changing for Alania, an innocent librarian from London.


    Along with Cy, their curiousity takes them to an apparent building site, a flying saucer and the rather rubbish traveller in space and time known as PROFESSOR HOWE.

    This is the mere beginning of a tale that puts the combined wits of our heroes against a wigged villain, and leads to the search for a very powerful woollen artefact.

    CLICK ON THE COVER PICTURE TO ORDER TODAY!

  • Shop Now

    Check out our products.

    Professor Howe and the Lethal Lighthouse

    Professor Howe and the Lethal Lighthouse

    11.99 - 15.99
    The light is on but nobody is home...

    On a rocky island not far from Brighton, the Lighthouse Mental Facility works right at the edge of psychiatry attempting to banish the mind fog which hampers even the most competent traveller.

    With strange murders occurring, PROFESSOR HOWE and her toasting fork wielding companion, Layla, have found themselves inmates of the institution with no hope of escape.

    Who is killing the staff and patients in the most barbaric way? With Matches Maggie go out in a blaze of glory? And is Jane really Professor Howe's first name?
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