Long Scarf Publications present....

A horror too much to Beira!

In Little Stoat strange forces are awaking. A ragtag bag of cultists worship an ancient Celtic Goddess and their dabblings in black magic are having extraordinary results – people are getting stoned.

When PROFESSOR HOWE arrives, she teams up with noted archaeologist, old relic and semi-proficient card sharp – Dr Jen Rummie. Together they investigate the first of many corpses chalked up while the locals start to lose their marbles.

Meanwhile, amateur detective and elderly spinster Miss Margery Westmacott is quartz in the middle of a battle of wits with a gneiss Detective and an evil schist.

Who is the leader of the cult that leaves people out in the coaled? And does the village gossip Vera really have the gift of the gabbro? And can anyone be chert-ain that the Professor really knows what she is doing and knows how to keep a pumice?

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Poeland – still a country in crisis.

With political intrigue running deeper than the Mariana Trench, the President is faced with all kinds of problems and the surprise appointment of a raven to the cabinet gives the press something to crow about.

To worsen matters in the rooky situation, PROFESSOR HOWE turns up and becomes embroiled in the pretentious politicking.

Can the President rise to the beak or is he a lame duck whose goose is cooked? Will ‘Lovely’ Lucy feather her own nest or will someone clip her wings? And is it possible for Beth Trussed-Up to Brie-ze into power? Does she hit the Roqueforts or will the Edam burst?

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So good, you’ll laugh till you’re hoarse!

Ten years into the Trojan War and events are locked in stalemate. As both sides wrestle for the upper hand, history appears to have drifted off-course.

PROFESSOR HOWE has also drifted off course and dropped in. The Greeks believe her to be a Goddess certain to bring them victory – she just hopes to be Hera today and gone tomorrow.

Will enlisting the Professor be the Greeks’ Achilles’ heel? Will Homer’s attempts at a poem prove an epic fail? And what can Greg do with a couple of yoghurt pots?

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Something stinks in the sewers of London...

After decades of setting the political agenda, Roland Ransom's corrupt business practices and nefarious news reporting have finally caught up with him - a scoop of journalists and many others from across the galaxy are ready to make him pay for his crimes.

Meanwhile, PROFESSOR HOWE has his hands full juggling with the full fury of the police, the pen pushing Filemen and a pair of sturdy handcuffs.

Will anyone get to the Hub of the problem? Can Tetley finally get a nice cup of tea? And with excitement cranked up to the Maxwell, will Roland Ransom be screaming blue Murdoch?

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Owner of the global entity BORK, Albert Persiflage, having already flooded the consumer landscape, had discovered a space in the market. A new ‘subscriber’ moon – and talk of it was making waves.

Meanwhile, in the clandestine halls of espionage central, panic reigned. With spies disappearing faster than pastries at a Gregg’s sale, B, the leader of the Intelligencia, has little choice but to call PROFESSOR HOWE for help.

Does taxi driver Derek Pleat really have ‘The Knowledge’? Will the dependable Bob Ajob find gainful employment and inner peace? And who exactly will be the principle villain?

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It'll turn your lives upside down!

Christmas Eve 2007 - The good ship Poseidon sets sail on a three day cruise which redefines luxury (well the dictionary definition anyhow). Sailing to Rotterdam, the crew and passengers are damned to face disaster, particularly with PROFESSOR HOWE aboard.

An abstruse agent, a bumbling barman and a C-list cabaret, are among the desperate dangers when the ship starts sinking in mysterious circumstances. What exactly is the Poseidon Problem? Will Honey's career sink like the Titanic? And just who has got the winning lottery ticket?

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The light is on but nobody is home...

On a rocky island not far from Brighton, the Lighthouse Mental Facility works right at the edge of psychiatry attempting to banish the mind fog which hampers even the most competent traveller.

With strange murders occurring, PROFESSOR HOWE and her toasting fork wielding companion, Layla, have found themselves inmates of the institution with no hope of escape.

Who is killing the staff and patients in the most barbaric way? With Matches Maggie go out in a blaze of glory? And is Jane really Professor Howe's first name?

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Emily Espen, Urban Explorer, dreams of social media followers in the thousands. However, her plans for fame are up in the air when an expedition to a graveyard gives her actual followers of her own.

Her best friend and brother have fallen victim to the Peeing Paragons and been condemned to the past. Now, alone and terrified, she faces a similar fate. All she has for company is a bizarre best-selling book written by a mysterious stranger called PROFESSOR HOWE.

What secrets does the strange, emoji-based, book hold? Can Emily rescue her friends from the Peeing Paragons? And what the hell has happened to Professor Howe?? And what the hell has happened to Professor Howe?

With bonus WINK book included as an Appendix

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You can check out any time you like... ...but you can never leave.

A hotel in space is the ideal place for a honeymoon for newly weds, Oliver and Mo Lake. The constant adventuring had got in the way of, not just the holiday, but a good night's sleep and the washing up. Now PROFESSOR HOWE has decided to give her companions a treat.

Unfortunately, things aren't entirely what they seem. A mixture of strange guests, hideous wallpaper and a monster prowling the twisted corridors are some of the dangers that must be faced.

Can the Professor and her friends escape the labyrinthine lobbies? What exactly is in room 42? And has the author read "The Shining" far too many times?

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Everybody loves a good wedding - and this adventure has it aisle.

At Roath Lock Cathedral the guests, including Petunia's Pa who popped his clogs later that very day, are gathering for a celebration. Richard DaFodda and his intended are ready to be married and PROFESSOR HOWE and his trusty companion, Petunia, are ready to gatecrash it but things aren't going as planned.

A temporal anomaly, a number 29 bus and a soiled nappy are some of the hazards that have to be negotiated, as well as a jobsworth Traffic Warden.

Will the DaFodda wedding go without a hitch? Can time and destiny be put back on course? And will the Professor's saucer get a parking ticket?

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Poeland - a country in crisis.

Newly elected President Horace, must balance cries of party loyalty, illicit affairs and the peoples' desire for European Decampment with fundamental beliefs of the Realists.

Meanwhile PROFESSOR HOWE, accompanied by his trusty companion Doris, must ensure that trade negotiations succeed and he gets his beloved Brussels.

Mr Grove, Jacob Cracker, Giles Farago, and other disparate individuals aid Horace in his fiendish scheme to relocate the country to the shores of the United States.

Will the Decampers get what they want? Will Jacob Cracker take the biscuit? And can Beth Trussed-Up still buy cheese down the supermarket?

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Something is amiss at Kettering Leisure Centre and we don't mean the instant coffee.

Hosting a conference of esteemed and not so esteemed scientists, one by one they begin to disappear. Only one man could solve this problem and, unfortunately for everyone, that person wasn't PROFESSOR HOWE.

Yet, with the aid of his perky assistant, Belle, can the Professor track down the kidnapped researchers and stop Barbie Cappuccino in her tracks? Will the infamous intergalactic space vixen succeed in her evil machinations to rid the world of eligible bachelors? And who will feel the bite of the Caramel Masterplan?

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Landing in a dead forest, PROFESSOR HOWE encounters her deadliest enemy of all - THE TERRIBLE TARRANTS!

Becoming trapped in the creatures' city is only the first of her many problems, including radiation sickness and financial ruin.

Can anything stop the Tarrants evil schemes? Will the travellers face 'Renovation'? And who is responsible for Alania's great hair?

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Colonel McDonald-McDougall-Jameson the head of ITEMS had a lot on his plate. A meteor shower of plastic bowls, dishes and various dinnerware, the appearance of a giant flying saucer, and the return of his old friend PROFESSOR HOWE.

Needless to say, trouble always followed where the Professor set foot and this was no exception. With Miss Trustfund by his side, the peculiar goings on at the Winkles Plastic Factory had to be investigated.

Why had the factory changed production to plastic cutlery? Was the Colonel's Health and Safety Protocol really necessary? And does anyone really like listening to Demis Roussos?

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A video message leads PROFESSOR HOWE and Marian to the isolated outpost of Fternisma.

The wonder material Phlegillium is the solution to mankind's resource problem. If only people didn't keep sneezing and dying all the time.

What is happening on the Le Morvier station? What are the mysterious Bigwig's plans? And why didn't Marian bring his handkerchief?

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After building an extension to his less than reliable flying saucer, PROFESSOR HOWE encounters an enemy from his past with a score to settle.

Escaping to the world of Viciousal, the danger only increases. A series of sadistic challenges overseen by a mysterious game runner have to be overcome for him and his companion, Pam, to escape with their lives.

Can he survive his out of control ego and horrendous dress sense? Can Pam raise enough money to buy out her contract for another twelve episodes? And is the moon really made of cheese?

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A strange job interview in London turns out to be life changing for Alania, an innocent librarian from London.

Along with Cy, their curiousity takes them to an apparent building site, a flying saucer and the rather rubbish traveller in space and time known as PROFESSOR HOWE.

This is the mere beginning of a tale that puts the combined wits of our heroes against a wigged villain, and leads to the search for a very powerful woollen artefact.

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